When you're numb, you feel the most...

When I signed on to Facebook after work tonight, the chat window popped open with a quick note from a very good friend, "Did you hear about Roger?"  I love getting those pop up chats from my good friends, but I never like those unexpected internet conversations that begin with "did you hear about..." because they usually mean something not so good went down.  Having not heard anything and wanting to prove my theory on the foreboding conversation starters, I clicked on Roger's Facebook page only to see several postings from today saying that he would be missed and including the occasional RIP comment.  Just last night, he had posted about what music he would be spinning at the Dock.  What had happened?  My friend didn't know for sure; he had been trying to call people in Cincinnati, but had not had any luck.  He and I had both moved from Cincinnati around the same time, but have always kept (and always will keep) the strong roots we planted there over the many years in that beautiful river city with such fantastic friends.  If we couldn't get someone on the phone, I knew we could find something with Google - so that's where I turned and that's where I found the brief news story about how Roger had gone off the road and driven into a building.  He was pronounced dead on the scene.  As I finished the last sentence, I went numb.

My mind wandered through memories of seeing Roger's smiling face and talking with him about anything and everything.  He was always such a joy and, definitely, what my mother would call "good people."  His energy was infectious and his inner-light was contagious.  The memories came faster, eventually flooding my thoughts and meshing into one continuous loop.  I sat for a while and enjoyed the show - and tried to provide an appropriate soundtrack which would make Roger smile from his DJ booth on high.  While lost in the flow, I found myself back on his Facebook page and reading aloud the simple line under his profile picture.  I think it sums up well, the way Roger lived his life and loved his friends.  "Be strong and be brave and begin your story..."  Roger was strong.  Roger was brave.  And he was just beginning his story.  I hope that we can continue it for him.

Roger Courtney, you are loved and you are missed.  Thank you for the friendship.  May you rest in peace.

A Spiritual Summary of Religous Ramblings

Something I heard on the radio last week laid heavily on my mind and brought me around to some comtemplations I've visited many times in recent years...so, the more I thought I about it, the more I realized that it was time to get my opinion out there and add it to the cacophanous debate. On my drive to work each morning, I listen either to whatever is on WEKU or to the Kidd Craddick in the Morning show. Last Tuesday or Wednesday, I had decided that I was in the mood for mindless banter, so I tuned in for the Craddick show. I didn't get the happy ravings I expected. They were discussing what it meant when people said that they were "spiritual" versus when others said that they were "religious." Being one of those people who, in my adult life, have always consider myself (and my beliefs) as "spritual, but not religious," I immediately became intrigued to hear what someone else had to say on the point.

Their discussion, which soon fell to the expected level of mindlessness, centered on how regularly someone went to church. The statement was made that "you can even wash your hands religiously" to support one person's argument that the word religious meant that "you did something a lot." Simply, they saw religous and spiritual as two ends of the continuum for how often someone went to church - religous meaning someone went regularly and often and spiritual meaning someone went rarely. Because I do not agree at all with this interpretation, I chose to give my own simple insights.

When I first consider religious and spritual, I look at the basic difference between public organized religion and personal individual spirituality. I catalog people as religious when they belong to an organized religion (i.e., Baptist, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim) and hold those common beliefs as their sole guiding force. It doesn't matter how often they go - whether only on special holidays or the most holy of occassions or to every service and multiple times each week. If they consistently turn to the teachings of one organized religion to make decisions in spite of everything else to which they are exposed in life, they are religious in my book.

On the other hand, when I categorize someone as spiritual, I recognize that their foundation beliefs come from many different places - some from diverse (or singular) organized religion and others from life experiences. As a spiritual person, I draw my own personal beliefs from my Christian and Appalachian upbringing; my young indoctrination into the Southern Baptist Church; collegiate readings from Thoreau, Whitman, Ginsberg, Kerouac, Rossetti, and so many others; post-collegiate explorations of Hindu, Buddhist, Sufi, and Kabbalah teachings; and more recent studies in alternative medicine, yoga, and meditation. My many paths along this life's journey have shown me that what I once considered very divergent steps have more in common than I ever expected when you boil things down to the core tenets. Not one of religious exposures limits nor defines my spirituality. All of them contribute to who I am and what I believe today.

Secondly, I must counter those voices who suggest that people who call themselves spiritual do not go to church and need "saving." In the past year, I may not have gone to more church services than that first year after I became a member at Petrey Memorial Baptist Church, but I honestly can say that I have gotten much more personal value from attending the variety of services. Yes, I have stayed within Christian services this year - Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Methodist, and non-denominational. But, as always, I supplement my life with a varied reading list. I take time each day to expand my mind with directed readings. Learning comes challenge your existing values. Read or listen to a view point with which you feel you disagree and, then, see what remains after you have considered many options. You may modify your stance or you may become even more strongly grounded in your initial thoughts. Either way, you can make an educated decision.

Definitely, I have become a more spiritual person this year, and as such, a much better person. Please do not take that statement as a value judgement on whether it is better to be spiritual or religious, it's just a statement of what works for me. In fact, I think it comes down to a personal choice and I do believe that being religous works for some whereas being spiritual works for others. I have religous friends and I have spiritual friends. They have all contributed to my own personal growth and I value their friendships no matter their convictions. I leave you with my attempt at advice: through which ever route you can find the comfort, wisdom, strength, and reassurance you need in this life, I urge you to follow that path.

Happy Independence Day

Yesterday, I bartered on the phone with Mother by promising to spend the first week of August with them. She accepted my promise and I fully intend to make good on it and spend that week of the writers' workshop driving 23 & 80 between Pikeville and Hindman. It's worth the drive in my book; I may be a little more on the tired side of life for the week, but the love I get at home combined with the stimuli I gain from a week of writing with other passionate people pays off in the long run. Guess it's sort of ironic that I broke my own tradition today and declared my own independence and stayed in Lexington, but that thought deserves a little more thought and more space than I'm willing to commit right now.

I've been traveling and working too much lately and those tribulations led me to the bartering session with Mother. Today was the first year in I don't know how long that I haven't made that trip to Pikeville for the 4th of July holiday. Even though I would have loved to have spent the weekend with family, I couldn't face getting behind the steering wheel today (maybe even this weekend). I need some time to relax and to rejuvenate my soul, mind, and body...and that's exactly what I intend to do this weekend. This morning, I awoke early and tended to chores around the house - laundry, cleaning, straightening, watering the plants - all the mundane daily chores that lose their luster in the hustle and bustle of the workweek. Then, I walked downtown for the 4th of July parade which proved valid entertainment for my voyeuristic, people-watching fool personality. Luckily, I had with me my small jotter to capture some thoughts and my cell phone to capture some images. I'm sure I will share some ramblings (and maybe some photos) at a later date, but I just felt the urge to jot down my tasks for the day.

Now, I've returned home to cool my slightly sun-kissed (more aptly, sun-burnt) skin and rehydrate & nourish my body. Maybe I'll wander back out later tonight; maybe I'll stay in. But now, I'm committed to visiting and updating my blog more frequently. Once every few months is not enough - I need to be here at least once a week - so that's my new promise to you (whomever you may be) that stop by on a random visit to read.

In closing, I just want to say Happy Independence Day to everyone. Please take some time today (or tonight) and remember your family and friends who have given of themselves in your own independence. Today, I remember, most recently, all my uncles who served in the different branches of the armed forces - and, most distantly, my several greats back grandfather, William McCoy, who fought in the great revolution and gained a land grant for Kentucky which brought my family to this wonderful place I have always (and will always) call home. Today, I remember many of my friends who have passed but played such an important role in my own personal independence - thank you. Today, I wish you a good night enjoying your neighborhood fireworks - be careful - and see you soon!

Remembering the old saying

"God don't like ugly." That probably was some of the best advice I ever got in the middle of a crisis. I hadn't heard the phrase is a long time. I remember Mother or my grandmother or one of my aunts using so those same words on me when I was much younger. Over the years, moving around from Eastern Kentucky to Lexington to Akron to Evansville to Cincinnati, I had lost some of my Appalachian accent and with it some of my colorful phraseology. Or I had just replaced it with something more cosmopolitan - "God don't like ugly" had become "karma is a bitch." But it made much more sense to pull from my history in this situation.

It had been a rough few weeks at work with a co-worker who chose, let's just say, to take the low road in trying to work through personal conflicts. He wanted everything his way and wanted everyone else on board with his way of seeing things. If you didn't agree with him 100 percent, you may as well get ready for the wrath. Unfortunately, I was the target and left to fend for myself - even abandoned by persons that I thought would have my back. People who initially said I was out of line for holding him accountable have eventually come to see that my methods and message were all about responsibility and living up to your own expectations. Throughout the storm, I held my head up high and lived by the code instilled in me by my parents, family, and ancesters - simply put, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." When he or another co-worker would tell me that my actions or words "seemed" hurtful or out-of-line, I would apologize directly to him for the way it made him feel. When he was out of line, he would refuse to apologize, opting instead to say that he would apologize to everyone else in the company who had witnessed his outburst - except me.

I could have fallen into the muck and mire - but it would have drained me - emotionally, physically, spiritually. I chose to buckle down into what I truly believe and look inside. What can I do better? How can I improve? How can I help this person? I really thought about what I wanted to achieve in my life - what I wanted people to know about me. So that's what has brought me back to this blog and sharing what I learned. I can look back after the storm (although small rumblings still happen) and understand better what I was doing - how I was acting the way I had been taught as a child. So when this other person had many "bad luck" instances at work, it wasn't me that noticed and commented - it was a co-worker who had remained quiet during everything. She just made the side comment to another co-worker when the fifth or sixth instance of karma comeback showed and I was moving forward and staying positive.

"God don't like ugly," she said. She said it to a co-worker who initially had confronted me and taken actions that conveyed the feeling to me that everything was my fault - and I was the only one who needed to change. That same co-worker told me what was said and how it made her realize just what had transpired over the past few weeks. Those words opened her eyes to how I had handled the aftermath compared to how this other person handled it - and the high road was much preferred. Yes, there were lots of tears and we still work through things every day, because some people just need time to "grow up" - even after their 35th birthday. But going forward, anytime I am faced with something that just might ignite the short fuse on my temper, I remember those words my co-worker said, but I remember them the many times I heard them land my ears as a child in the beautiful, knowledgeable voices of my foremothers..."Child, God don't like ugly."